


You Understand, Don't You?

by needtosleepawhile



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Consent, M/M, No Sex, Talking, Thorin doesnt like, first time sleeping together, just kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3316931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needtosleepawhile/pseuds/needtosleepawhile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The company had been in Dale for a few days.</p><p>While the company planned who would sleep where, they had decided to allow Thorin and Bilbo a room of their own, out of respect for their king, and for the couple’s relationship. But Thorin was nervous. There was something he hadn't told Bilbo, and as more and more of the dwarves began to head up to bed, a sinking feeling grew in his stomach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Understand, Don't You?

The company had been in Dale for a few days.

The dwarves had been sneaking around the town, collecting provisions and supplies, creating make shift weapons, and trying to make as many allies as they could in the small place without catching much attention.  
Thorin and Bilbo had very little time to spend with each other, apart from occasional stolen moments sat by the small fire of the house they had taken up as a hideaway. There was not much space for thirteen dwarves and a Hobbit, but it was more comfortable than the forests and caves that they had bedded down in days before.  
There were five rooms, where groups of three and four could sleep. In the beginning, however, everyone slept where and when they could. Fili and Kili were once found hiding from their responsibilities, squeezed into the small cupboard under the stairs, laying on top of each other and snoring. A few heads dropped into dinner plates, and several dwarves were caught standing up with a drip of saliva hanging from their mouths. Thorin barely slept at all, against Balin and Bilbo's wishes. He was driven by thoughts of his home- his kingdom- finally being taken back from the fire breathing leach that slumbered under the mountain. But after four days of preparation, and with permission from Thorin, the group relaxed and there was time for a well-earned night of rest.

While the company planned who would sleep where, they had decided to allow Thorin and Bilbo a room of their own, out of respect for their king, and for the couple’s relationship. But Thorin was nervous. There was something he hadn't told Bilbo, and as more and more of the dwarves began to head up to bed, a sinking feeling grew in his stomach.  
He sat low in his chair, legs spread apart, left arm hanging over the side, and right hand on his chest. He felt sick and hot, his heart beat fast. Questions ran in circles round his head, always coming to the same conclusion- Bilbo would think him strange, defective, wrong.  
But how could he think such a thing of his hobbit? Bilbo was too good, too caring. Surely he would never say...? But something always told Thorin that yes, Bilbo would judge him, and he would not know how to feel comfortable around the dwarf anymore.

Thorin was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder.  
"See you in the mornin'," Bofur said through a yawn. He smiled, stroked his beard, and made his way to the stairs. “Good night, master hobbit!” he called to Bilbo who was in the kitchen scrubbing dirty dishes.  
“Good night!” Bilbo replied. The sound of clattering plates and sloshing water continued.  
"Good night," Thorin sighed, sitting up in his chair to watch Bofur leave the room. Now he waited. He leant forward with elbows on his knees, and held his head in his hands. The fire was low and its light only faint. Thorin stared into the gull glow for a while, listening to make sure there were no footsteps from upstairs. He did not want to wait. He had fought many hundreds of creatures from the darkest places of the world, but this… this was something completely ‘other’ to him.  
The dwarf got out of his chair and made his way to the kitchen, trying to stand tall, back straight, shoulders back, head high, as he would in battle when he needed to look strong, but on the inside he was quaking with fear. He looked around the door frame at Bilbo, who had just finished, and was drying his hands with a rag. Thorin watched him silently for a while, thinking how far they had come from the hobbits warm, comfortable home in The Shire. The dwarf leant on one foot and the floor creaked, making himself and Bilbo jump. Bilbo turned and stared wide eyed until he realised it was Thorin, becoming instantly relaxed, a smile spreading wide across his face. Thorin held his breath when he saw how happy Bilbo was, and he wondered how that would change later on.

“Ready?” Bilbo asked, cheerfully. He walked over to Thorin and took his hands, looking up with eyes rimmed with dark circles. The hobbit leant against Thorin’s chest, and Thorin hoped that he couldn’t hear the beating of his heart. He looked at the ceiling for a moment and sighed. No, he didn't feel ready.  
“I’m ready,” he muttered none the less, and kissed the top of Bilbo’s head.

-

Thorin had waited for Bilbo to get ready and into bed before he even took off his boots. He sat in a chair across the room and let Bilbo change into his sleeping things. The dwarf did not look when he shouldn’t. He was a king, he had been taught what was and was not acceptable behaviour. Despite living the way he had for so many years, and despite growing as close as he had to Bilbo, he still had strong belief in the codes of courtship he had been brought up with.  
Bilbo would look over at Thorin sometimes as he got ready, but the dwarf seemed as though he was lost in his thoughts, concentrating on the floorboards in front of his feet too much to notice. But Thorin noticed. From the corner of his eye he could not help it.

When the halfling was comfortable Thorin undressed quickly and self-consciously, pulling on a fresh sleeping shirt and trousers before he thought Bilbo would see much in the dim candlelight. He stood over the bed with his hands at his sides, unsure of himself now. Bilbo cleared his throat, trying to make Thorin look him in the eye.  
“Are you… is everything alright, Thorin?” Bilbo asked.  
The dwarf crossed his arms and breathed deeply through his nose, shaking his head.  
“Oh,” Bilbo said quietly, getting into a sitting position. He waited patiently as Thorin began to pace the room.  
“I…” the dwarf began, but was not sure how to continue. He was embarrassed and ashamed and he hated for Bilbo to see him this way. Bilbo knew this and did not move from his place, knowing that Thorin would find his way in his own time. The dwarf continued to pace, but then sat down on the bed and turned to face Bilbo.

“I have to tell you something.” He spoke quickly for fear of not being able to get his words out. “I have to tell you this because I want to know how you feel about it now, rather than when we are a… compromising situation. You should know I have struggled this since I as a boy and I have confided in no one until now, because I have not cared for someone so. Until you came, Bilbo, I believed I would be able to keep this secret for all my days or at least grin and bear it if I were to ever find anyone, but I can’t keep this from you.” He took the hobbits hand. “Not you.”  
Bilbo was looking rather afraid now. His eyes ran over Thorin to try and find something, anything, which could be wrong.  
“Bilbo, I cannot… be with you in that way. Not now, and not until marriage. But it’s not that which is really the issue, its-its-its me.” With his free hand the dwarf stabbed at his chest with his fingers. “There are some things I can’t…” He had gotten himself so wound up, he didn’t know what to say. He had been so afraid of disappointing Bilbo, but when he looked up the hobbit had a small, sad smile on his lips.  
“Oh, my dear,” said the hobbit, “why did you think this would trouble me so much?” He reached out a hand and gently placed it on the dwarf’s cheek. Thorin turned his head and nuzzled the hand, kissing Bilbo’s palm.

“You have heard the stories the others tell, of the people they’ve had and the… the things they have done,” Thorin told him. They both smirked at that, remembering a drunken evening when a game of spin the bottle revealed a few too many details than some would consider necessary.  
“But…” the dwarf said quietly, “there is more I have to say on the matter.”  
Bilbo moved his hand from Thorin’s cheek and took his arm, pulling him closer.  
“Come to bed, finish what you have to say. Nothing is going to happen apart from the best night sleep we have had in months,” the hobbit declared, releasing Thorin’s arm and laying onto his side. Thorin paused for a moment, before quickly getting under the covers, still keeping his distance from Bilbo. He moved his hand slowly across the sheets towards the hobbit, finding his hand and entwining their fingers. The dwarf closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the building. He heard the walls of the building creak, and distant snoring from one of the highest rooms. Bilbo breathed quietly and steadily, while Thorin heard the blood thudding through his veins.  
“I don’t like… being touched sometimes.” There. That was a good, easy way to begin, Thorin felt. Bilbo was looking at him with a serious expression, eyebrows slightly pulled together, completely focused on Thorin.  
“Okay,” Bilbo said with a nod. “Where? How?”  
Thorin blinked, taken aback by Bilbo’s straightforward question. He loved his halfling so much for it, he wanted to kiss him right then. He gulped, and closed the gap between them slightly.

“My back… It is ridiculous to think, let alone say aloud, but it feels like a burning, to be touched on my back. Almost a sting.” His cheeks reddened from embarrassment, but he saw how Bilbo’s face softened, which helped him to continue. “And um… my chest. There are scars that… that are considered by dwarves the marks of a great warrior, and I should wear them with pride, which I do. But I hate for them to be touched, or to be seen in an… intimate situation.”  
“Which is why you undressed so quickly,” Bilbo confirmed, not asking it as a question. Thorin nodded. Bilbo smiled and pulled Thorin’s hand up to his face, kissing each finger tenderly. “Is there anything else?” he asked.  
“My waist.” Thorin said this in a stern voice, to make Bilbo understand the importance of this. “It makes me feel trapped, like someone is taking possession of me. I mean… its-its just that-” he stumbled over his words, trying to form something that Bilbo would understand. He loved the hobbit dearly, and he felt he belonged solely to him, in body and soul, but this was something different. “I don’t like being… taken control of. I feel vulnerable and-and uncomfortable, like a child being dragged somewhere they do not wish to go. It is similar with my um… my back. The vulnerability of it. You understand, don’t you?”

Bilbo’s eyes were full of admiration when Thorin saw into them. As a warrior and a king, Thorin had to be strong, but to love and be loved is something that can strip a being bare and leave them completely open to the world. The dwarf and the hobbit loved each other, and Thorin was glad to have someone, after all these years, to share his innermost turmoil, but to physically appear weak was something difficult for many a dwarf. Deep emotion and strong feeling was an admirable quality in a dwarven king, but to give away too much or show weakness of the body- that was very difficult, to say the least.  
Bilbo let go of Thorin to get up to lean on his elbow. Thorin looked up at the beautiful hobbit, with golden curls, and eyes that shimmered like distant stars. Bilbo was Thorin’s star. His ever bright, wonderful star. Thorin pulled an arm out from under the sheets and held the hobbits jaw, stroking his soft red cheek with his thumb.

Bilbo leaned forward, taking Thorin by surprise, and kissed him. The hobbits lips were warm and soft, while the dwarves were dry and sore from being bitten. Bilbo lay down, putting one arm between Thorin’s head and the mattress, and wrapping the other around the back of the dwarf’s neck. He tangled his fingers in the dwarf’s hair, while Thorin put his arms around the hobbits back, pulling him closer. Thorin’s thoughts crumbled as Bilbo licked and nipped at his mouth, but he was aware that Bilbo was now being careful about where he placed his hands. They pulled away, breathing heavily. Thorin put his forehead against Bilbo’s and grinned.

They pulled apart but lay on their sides, staring at each other as the candle light began to fade. This time, Bilbo took Thorin’s hand. Thorin closed his eyes, drowsiness suddenly overtaking him, and within a moment he was asleep. Bilbo watched him and thought how beautiful his dwarf was, vowing silently that night to himself that he would do whatever he could to make the dwarf comfortable and happy.  
He would never let Thorin feel ashamed for anything. It was something they could talk about, and work through together. That is what a loving relationship is about. Bilbo would show Thorin that.

The last thing he noticed before finally falling asleep was the feeling of Thorin’s hand in his.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like being touched sometimes, so this fic is sort of personal but I made it more of an issue for Thorin than it really is for me. I just thought it would make a good bonding session idea for the two of them.  
> I think there is a word for this, and if anyone knows what it is please tell me, and I will tag it!  
> I haven't properly proof read it yet so I apologise for any grammar mistakes.
> 
> (I haven't written him as asexual, if anyone was wondering, but I might try something out soon!)


End file.
